How to Have Lesbian Intercourse For the First Time | Autostraddle

How will you have lesbian sex? We obtain asked this concern all the time from lesbians of any age thatn’t had lesbian sex and are also concerned they do not understand “how.” Well, pay attention: enjoying gender isn’t really about memorizing 16 jobs or knowing the best direction to fuck from, appreciating lesbian sex is half-animal half-heart and only hardly ever has it got almost anything to perform together with your logical mind, or cognitive reason, or something individuals could inform you or what you could keep reading the world wide web.

Although it really is correct that one-day you will be self assured and knowledgeable than you might be today, additionally it is true that the body was born knowing how for gender like it came to be focusing on how to eat. The first time does not have becoming an issue, some people you should not actually remember all of our first occasions. Alternately, if you want it to be a big deal, it can be. But eventually every partner differs from the others — entirely, entirely, entirely various — from the after that.
What exactly could we show, actually

However — on top of that, most of us remember a period of time whenever lesbian gender decided fumbling, or improv, wanting to play an activity we don’t comprehend, like badminton. Or a hobby everybody else believed you should be proficient at but we had beenn’t. Meanwhile, other people recall jumping into bed and instinctually knowing what to complete as soon as of entry. A lot of us had gender with young men within our teens and didn’t bang a lady ’til all of our mid-to-late-twenties, and decided rookies yet again. So we can understand how you will feel a little better knowing a little something before taking the leap.

Ladies sex, not to mention queer sex, is normally dismissed by gender ed programs. And even though a lot of heteros discover more about gender with each other in their early teens, a lot of lesbians never begin that very early and/or are not fellow socialized in to the sexual market like straights are, and undoubtedly our entire media tradition is actually structured about and obsessed with heterosexual intercourse.

Therefore we’re gonna go back to fundamentals. However, while we compose this post, the audience is somewhat worried that people haven’t any drilling concept whatever you’re making reference to. Hopefully to start a dialogue for

commenters to fairly share their very own stories and encounters as well as for everybody to ask questions!


This article (originally printed in 2010 and mainly unaltered from that point) focuses primarily on lesbian sex between cisgender women, although is mainly appropriate to intercourse between any two different people with vulvas, and packed with fantastic advice for anybody having sexual intercourse with anyone who has a vulva. The language on this page, unlike a great deal of all of our gender content, reflects that mostly for SEO purposes. However, trans women are ladies & most definitely have lesbian gender, and you may review a few of the a lot of tips on that during these posts:
How-to Have Lesbian Gender With A Trans Lady
F*cking Trans ladies
Harnesses for Trans Ladies

Pre-Game Your Own Lesbian Intercourse


When you yourself have a vulva and also you wanna can make you with a vulva feel great, there is the benefit of making use of yourself for an examination topic — not too exactly what pleases you are going to please your lover, but it’s a-start. Probably your showerhead have now been familiar with this since childhood, however, if you are fresh to self pleasure or fresh to orgasming, discover
tips masturbate like a champ.
While you’re at it,
here’s simple tips to purchase a vibrator

Getting an experienced masturbator will help you to end up being a fruitful enthusiast above all else you can ever before do, actually ever. Not only will you discover how your partner can please you, but you will possess some notion of ideas on how to please all of them.


Touching yourself with your denim jeans and undies on (you can unzip your own denim jeans, but try not to draw them down) can be good training to suit your date to

Twilight Complete Eclipse For The Sun



When you’re stimulated, you may feel comfortable or flushed. Your own nipples are certain to get erect, your own clit and vulva will enlarge due to improved blood flow. Within your human body, the top the pussy will develop.

In Addition:

Consider the insides. The surface of everybody’s vulva is actually a fresh continent, although insides are sensibly just like one another, so it’s an excellent quick peek if you have one.


If you have one, evaluate the vadge for the mirror. I’m sure you will check this out and imagine “OH our GOD I’D NEVER” and not do so. Overcome your self. Stick
a screwing mirror
in the middle of your legs to check out your own shit!

Understand The Vaginal Situation, When You Yourself Have One

Very first circumstances very first: individuals frequently use the phrase “vagina” when discussing the feminine vaginal area, which actually isn’t really correct. The right term to suit your outside vaginal area is actually “vulva.” The snatch is inside of you, hooking up the vulva on the cervix. Listed Here Is
outstanding article from teenage Vogue that gets to every detail about structure

Now you’re seated here along with your mirror, let us go over the physiology of a cisgender female’s vulva.


Your clit is comprised of the glans/head (probably the most sensitive spend 6,000-8,000 neurological endings), the bonnet (which drapes during the glans) while the shaft (that is typically 1.9 cm in length). Some clits are larger than others, and just about all females can orgasm from clitoral stimulation.

Labia Majora:

Them be your “pussy lips.” After That,
the labia minora
are asymmetrical delicate retracts of softy spongy erecticle structure inside the labia majora. Some labia minoras continue through the majoras several are saved around. The length/shape of labia minora/majoras is the beginning the place you’ll notice that
all women’s vagina appears different than another’s


: the vaginal entrance is below your own clitoris and urethral opening (aka the spot where the urine is released). Genital tissue is elastic, you may have heard that babies come out of it and fists may go into it. All of the neurological endings have the external 3rd associated with the vagina (simply put: don’t be concerned about having tiny hands, it is nbd).

a wide variety of vulvas presented inside vagina art by jamie mccatney


Place a fist within snatch. Now generate a “come hither” movement towards front wall surface of your pussy. Would you think spot with a texture unlike everything else’s texture? It’s a sponge in regards to the sized a bean that fills with blood during arousal, straight before the womb. Some ladies find g-spot stimulation too rigorous, some detest it, some want it, some can orgasm as a result, and some can female ejaculate from it.



The level location between your pudendal cleft plus the rectum. Some women come across this area intimately sensitive and painful. Slangily called “the taint” ‘cause it ain’t the genitals and it is not the asshole.

Brushing for Lesbian Gender


You certainly can do virtually anything you wish along with your hair, although getting rid of it entirely
allows you to at risk of problems
and it may be extremely itchy! Discover
some stats on the locks removal behaviors

Tips if you find yourself going to remove some locks:

  • If you have the cash together with time, hair laser removal is the greatest method of getting gone your hair in this place your long-term. It is typically mentioned that laser treatment increases results on lighter epidermis sounds, but
    the good news is definitely changing
  • For most people, waxing may be the best/cheapest strategy to “cleaning” without ingrowns. According to your skin layer tone and awareness, waxing may turn your own skin a beautiful hue of crimson for each day, very schedule accordingly. We highly recommend getting hired carried out by an expert, however, if you wanna DIY, Sally Hansen’s are
    inexpensive and easy for beginners
    therefore is this system from
  • In case you are shaving, you might get upset serious razor burn which sometimes seems like most red-colored bumps overall your neighborhood.
    Bikini area shall help you because of this
  • If you shave a couple of days before setting up, anybody who goes down on you will feel like they have been inserting their particular face into a sheet of sandpaper.


Ensure that your fingernails tend to be since brief as possible and smoothly submitted. If you do have very long nails or acrylics,
here is just how to have sexual intercourse safely without sacrificing them
. Keeping your arms mega-extra-super-duper-clean is vital. Play it extra-safe by using some handy
exudate or nitrile gloves


All of you, your own snatch smells perfect just the means really! Usually do not douche or otherwise make an effort to infuse your snatch with areas of marigolds. It’ll have a stronger odor when you haven’t showered or have actually become truly sweaty, and that’s fine. (Sidenote: the ongoing odor of her in your fingertips = secret). However, if for example the pussy smells therefore pungently fishy that the companion can smell it within jeans from throughout the area,
you could have BV
and should
go see a gynecologist

Performing The Lesbian Sex

To be honest, we kinda wouldn’t like you to read through this. We desire one need find it for yourself, like we did! You guys, it’s so fun while can end up being naked or half-naked with another woman! Right?! Sex could be the most useful when you stop considering and permit your body believe obtainable!

Additionally, there are about 1,000 sex recommendations we could supply for the rest of your own sex life, but now we are gonna stay very






Simply ‘cause you’re both girls does not mean exactly what feels good to you personally will feel great to the lady. You both can show what’s functioning and what exactly isn’t through terms, noises, or bodily response. Do not be embarrassed to inquire about concerns or volunteer everything fancy. It’s just like the Hot/Cold online game, but naked plus slick! Claiming “what will you like” is wholly something we perform. Therefore is actually laughing.
We recommend plenty of chuckling

Lesbian Intercourse Foreplay

There are a lot of situations happening in the torso area both for people to understand more about, like BOOBS and ears, and using those parts of the body is fun AND a good way to get lubed up before every type direct genital contact happens (if that’s what you need). Many people can orgasm from stimulation of other parts of the body besides the vadge, as well. (If it’s your or your lover’s very first time becoming penetrated, don’t opt for the
jackhammer shag within five minutes of basic language hug, convenience into that crap!)

Hands-on Clitoral Stimulation

This is a good starting point for. Relatively self-explanatory. Again, people will want the hand in order to become a vibrator and some simply desire to be handled with extreme delicacy. Figure out by inquiring!

Oral gender is really amazing
so it virtually is like cheating. Like had been mouths enabled to go there, or perhaps is that some thing humanity determined naturally? Per usually, err unofficially of painful and sensitive. This will be “teasing” or “how she wants it,” depending on the girl. This will probably even be combined with fucking/g-spot arousal, but we are starting straightforward these days, very, again, enjoy yourself. Occasionally if you have body picture issues, getting eaten out can make you feel truly exposed. Therefore close the eyes, everything is ok. Also remember to
exercise safer sex with dental care dams


When in question, begin slow/soft/delicate and construct around since fast/hard as she desires it. Make Certain she is damp prior to trying penetration —
lube is a good option to try this
. Subsequently:

+ start out with the list finger within a bit, and then right in immediately after which present a moment finger if she desires. (subsequently a third if she wishes, etc etc) Don’t get too fast, provide the woman time to answer.

+ Pay attention to in which the some other hands tend to be! If you the index/middle fingers inside their, will be your thumbnail searching into the woman interior leg? Check your shit.

+ Some ladies should not be penetrated for assorted reasons, including vexation, sex identity or sex appearance,
and/or an inclination for a certain intimate character
(like in “we screw you, you do not shag me.”) In the event that’s you and your partner becomes in this place, politely go the woman hand and inform her for which you perform desire to be moved (or which you’d somewhat reach the woman).


Now, staying your hand down her jeans or over the woman canal can be the first impulse, or it is everything’ve viewed on

The L Term

, but that is just one of a lot magical methods local girls fucking other ladies. There are 365 techniques to basically dried out hump (you


keep lingerie on for this, it can be much easier, but please perform remove your shirt, for the reason that it’s more pleasurable). You are able to fundamentally rub abreast of any part of her human anatomy or scrub vadge-to-vadge just about for the rest of your daily life.

More Sources For Great Lesbian Intercourse:

The More You Know

  • DONT DO NOT compare parts of the body

    . Compliments are great! But forgo the urge to provide an assessment of your very own elements onto your praise concerning the woman elements. ‘Your [part] is really so way more [way to be] than mine! Waaah.’ = NO.
  • If you should be working with non-gender-conforming people this may be’s best to ask before hooking up what exactly is okay and what exactly isn’t. Same for coping with gender conforming people!
  • You have got the right feeling as well as comfortable, which means that
    is vital and is
    much safer intercourse
    — kindly get a check-up and speak to your lover about any STIs you or she possess before leaping into sleep.
  • Whether you are 16 or 36, you are not “BEHIND.” Because of the patriarchy, it’s going to elevates about 15 moments to acquire specifics of an average age of which heterosexual women and men drop their particular V-Cards (16-17), but no these types of analysis exists for lesbians in terms of we are able to tell. So we’ve completed a laid-back study of group Autostraddle, which can be an unhealthy trial populace because we’re all under 35 and certainly “out” enough to end up being


    Group Autostraddle therefore, we imagine, most likely a lot more sexually seasoned than the average lesbian bear. Despite, by get older and year of “virginity reduction”:

Among our very own completely non-representative sample measurements of queer ladies, the common age for “our very first time” is 19.4.

Relevant Listings

Body Parts that might be erogenous otherwise no-fly zones:

+ ears

+ throat

+ hard nipples

+ interior upper thighs

+ foot

+ fingers

+ butt

+ small for the straight back

Some individuals Perform and a few Individuals Never:

+ want to be penetrated

+ orgasm from penetration

+ climax

+ incorporate adult sex toys into intercourse

+ enjoy g-spot arousal

+ require manual clitorial stimulation to climax

+ choose clitorial pleasure AND genital entrance to orgasm

+ appreciate anal entrance or
butt plugs
ingesting butt

+ usage

+ orgasm whatsoever

+ identify as

+ fantasize during intercourse

+ determine as either a ”
” or a ”

+ identify as either “butch” or “femme”

+ desire to be nude during intercourse

+ want the lighting on during sex

+ want it rough

have actually an STI

+ wanna

Issues That Could Happen Very First Some Time And Include Totally Fine:

and virtually soaking your entire sleep (it isn’t really urine, we pledge) (additionally, it’s awesome)

+ Farting or queefing

+ Accidentally cutting/lacerating the vagina (
this happens to outdated experts, as well
) (

+ maybe not orgasming

+ not-being

Acquiring injured

+ Tensing upwards while pentrated

+ Bleeding

+ Bleeding from hymen-breakage

+ Post-sex UTIs or yeast-based infections

+ Having 30+ minutes to climax

+ the supply acquiring tired

+ Sobbing

+ Chuckling

+ Feelings

+ No feelings

+ perhaps not feeling just like the entire world altered

+ Feeling such as the whole world altered

+ experiencing as you’re on another amount of intimacy together with your lover

+ maybe not appreciating it

Do not be also goal-oriented. A lot of people do not appear the first time — many individuals don’t arrive frequently during sex whatsoever! If neither people would, absolutely going to be a moment in time as soon as you feel just like you’re done anyhow, just like the experience has ended, which might feel unusual, but it’s not strange, it occurs. Stop once you’d end any physically exhausting activity — as soon as you do not feel just like it anymore. Just make fun of and possibly remain naked and kiss and talk. Cuddle! Lesbians want to cuddle. Or ask the girl to exhibit you how she will get herself off and the other way around — common self pleasure is an excellent backup plan for once you both need to come but can’t seem to obtain it this time around. And it also’s hot to look at and view just what she does to by herself!

the afterglow




The Lesbian Sex Bible

More techniques and advice for lesbian, bisexual and queer ladies that approaches the topic with humor and irreverence.

Susie Sexpert’s Lesbian Sex Business

: The address within this guide is really so strange and 90s, you could download it for $2.99 from Amazon and it’s — it is simply FUN. It really is super sex-positive and warrants becoming a cult standard associated with lesbian book world starting now.


The complete Lesbian Intercourse Book: A Separate Guide for All of Us

, by Felice Newman: The standard. Purchase it, discover it, live it, think it’s great.


Lesbian Sex: 101 Lovemaking Positions

: I bet you don’t know any single thing regarding the Joyride, Tongue and Groove, Toast Her, Gilding the Lily, Peach Gobbler, Hanky Spanky, female Wrap or Velvet line, carry out ya? You could alter that.


Getting Off: A Woman’s Guide to Masturbation

: From intercourse writer and self pleasure specialist Jayme Waxman.


Our Bodies, Ourselves: Another Edition for another Period

: call your own womynhood.


The New Lesbian Intercourse Book, 3rd Edition

: Interviews with GENUINE LIVE LESBIANS about their intercourse everyday lives, comes with the impact of reminding you that there is lots of lesbians available making love and it’s not only you and your partner(s) inside teeny tiny community from the sea.


Treatment Sex: A Mind-Body Method Of Treatment Sexual Shock

: “The first motivating, sex-positive tips guide for several ladies survivors of sexual attack — heterosexual, bisexual, lesbian, coupled, and unmarried — who would like to reclaim their intercourse life.”



Betty Dodson with Carlin Ross

“Betty Dodson and Carlin Ross are two intergenerational sex positive feminists whose discussion on sex and feminism entertains and educates while delving into the Politics of Women’s sex.” Includes
a library of “how-to” movies
for assorted sexual functions, such as “first-time lesbian gender.”


The-Clitoris Dot Com

“whatever you previously planned to {know about|learn about|find out about|un